Top 7 Tips for Recovering from LTR Breakups!

The following tips are some of the most powerful tips you will read, if you are going through a Long Term Relationship breakup. I am not a counsellor and I advise you to go see one if you feel you are struggling.  I offer these things as they helped me, maybe they will help you too!

1. MOVE OUT. This may not happen straight away of course, especially if things are amicable.  But seriously, you are kidding yourself if you think you will be cool when the ex brings home your replacement. I have had a lot of friends re-sign leases and try to stay the course "as friends" and I'm not saying it cannot work. I'm just saying you are playing with some very powerful emotions. If not your emotions, then your ex's. Or their new partners' emotions. Or your new partners' emotions.  The probability of 1 person in 4 going nuttynutbar in this environment is quite likely.
2. Buy a NEW SIGNATURE SCENT for yourself.  This seems like such a small thing, but memory and scent are closely linked. New you, new scent! I asked my friend in Europe for recommendations and she told me Prada was the way to go. I started with Infusion d'Iris  and then branched out with Prada Amber as I developed in confidence.  No friend in Europe? Then head to a counter and find someone who nose (see what I did there?)
3. Go see a COUNSELLOR or a psychologist even if you think you don't need to. It isn't going to hurt you and maybe you might talk about something else that is bothering you if your split isn't. Of course LTR are usually significant otherwise you would have left long ago right? Relationships Australia say that it can take 2 or 3 years for a couple to recover from the effects of a breakup and start to get their lives back together. In the meantime you may gain value from reading this brochure from Relationships Australia.
4. This tip is more one that you need to keep in mind when you are in the heat of the split and sorting out who is taking the dining table, kids, cats etc.  MAKE SURE THAT WHATEVER YOU DO, YOU CAN WALK AWAY WITH YOUR HEAD HELD HIGH. A close friend told me this and it became my mantra for the first 3 months. No matter how upset the other party gets, as long as you do your best to be calm, generous, fair  and honorable you will look back on it, not happy, but not miserable either. Don't be a nasty bitch, it is never worth it.  And yeah, you can jump on your judgemental horse 6 months down the track and say in an Oprah tone of voice "well I did my best to wish them every happiness on their way out of my life!".
5. Give it a little time, don't rush, but when you are ready to contemplate dating again  - YOU MUST READ THIS BOOK BEFORE YOU START DATING ONLINE.


6. 
     If you start dating online before reading this book, you will get sucked into all sorts of emotional maelstroms and if you are really unlucky - fall in love with one of them. This book changed my life and I recommend it to everyone. Even if you aren't interested in dating, read the book so you can spot avoidance tactics in your friends and family. 
7. Take up a new team sport, or join a gym, buy a bike or take up swimming or running. Get out in the world and have fun. You deserve it and your body will appreciate whatever opportunity you give it to burn off any extra adrenaline. Rock Climbing - Why Not?
8. Go see a personal stylist if you are working and can afford it.  I saw Meagan Harding in Melbourne, Australia and she is fantastic. I went from a foundation only kind of girl to a fearless MAC counter prowler in an afternoon. Oh and buy your mascara cheap so you can afford to replace it often (no animal testing of course).  If you aren't working you will need to head to your local library and check those classic styles are still considered "timeless".  Choose whatever style of magazine suits you, whether it is Italian Vogue or Vegan Times - it is your life and you should be happy with it, whatever colour the Muumuu.  Yep, on second thoughts, get some friends together and do a small group booking with Meagan instead....  

The Bill of Assertive Rights

I recently read an interesting piece on Assertiveness which was itself a rewording from the 1975 Classic by M.J. Smith ""When I say no, I feel guilty". I actually enjoyed the reworded version better and it really provoked a lot of thought for me so I have included it below. Of course too much assertiveness can itself be a manipulation so, as always, use these thoughts with wisdom and kindness.

I have the right to be the judge of what I do and what I think.
I have the right to offer no reasons and excuses for my behaviour.
I have the right not to be responsible for finding solutions to other peoples’ problems.
I have the right to change my mind.
I have the right to make mistakes.
I have the right to say “I don’t know”.
I have the right to make my own decisions.
I have the right to say “I don’t understand”.
I have the right to say “I don’t care”.
I have the right to say no without feeling guilty.

You can buy the M.J. Smith book "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty" on Amazon here: http://amzn.to/1zNS3g7  

Or if you want to see the modern Bill of Assertive Rights in another context you can check out this great website This Way Up - a review of which will be coming shortly.


I find this point the most challenging- offering "no reasons and no excuses for my behaviour".  Tell me in the comments which "right" you have most trouble with asserting.